Recovery from an eating disorder and living a meaningful and satisfying life require radical self acceptance. Without it, a sustainable long-term recovery may be traded for short term wins.
The issue is that it seems all but impossible to practice self-acceptance when you are experiencing shame for binge eating.
These questions give you a starting point when the task of self acceptance seems overwhelming and unattainable.
Self acceptance does not happen overnight. There is no endpoint. Self acceptance is a Journey that we continually deepen our practice in.
Long after our reliance on binge eating, or any disordered eating, is gone, we will continue to deepen our practice of self-acceptance.
Even if you have never practiced, you can take one baby step today. I have five questions that you can ask yourself to help explore the role of binge eating in your life and why it may be something that you struggle with.
By the end of this blog you will be able to put your behavior into context. When you do, it will be easier to see that while it may cause you pain, it is not a personal flaw that has led you to binge eating. (This could be a great journal exercise.) This reduces shame and helps to cultivate self acceptance.
Take it slow. You could just start with one question if that seems doable.
1)Does berating and punishing yourself help you to stop binge eating?
Like all questions, the answer may be quite apparent to you or it may not be. Just asking the question is practicing self acceptance.
I invite you to really sit with this question, and let the answer to come to you. It may show up in many different ways.
This can be a difficult exercise because the answer may be much different than what you have believed for a while. It certainly was for me. It can be helpful to have openness to the discomfort that this experience can elicit.
This is a practice of self inquiry. It is a chance to poke around and see what's really present within yourself. It is a way to look at things as they are and not as you wish they were or thought they were. I say poke, because you don't have to just dig a big hole. This can be a slow process so that it is not traumatizing and short-term.
2) What is binge eating telling you?
Binge eating is trying to tell you something. Your challenge is to pay attention and notice.
Let the answer show up when it does. Even if an initial answer shows up, as time goes on it will become more detailed and more understood. More answers will also become available in addition to your initial answer.
Binge eating may be serving one purpose in your life or it may be serving many. This takes the the burden off of you because binge eating is the messenger. It is the response to circumstances. It is not happening because there is something wrong with you.
Treat binge eating with kindness the way you would a young child that was hurting. When something has our attention and care, it can transform.
3) How is the culture contributing to your binge eating behavior?
It is a culture that values profit over lives. Bodies are disposable and expendable. We all feel this and internalize it at some level.
Thin bodies are given more access in our culture. Everything from clothing, to job opportunities and representation in advertising is catered to thin bodies. It is easy to see how so many people would go to great lengths to have a thin body.
White, cis, young, able, educated, rich, and male bodies are given more access and privileges in our culture. If we don't meet all or even one of these identities, an eating disorder can be an attempt to cope with the stress and harm of reduced access and privilege. We cope by numbing ourselves through restriction, binging, purging or compulsive exercise. We also may shape our bodies in an effort to fit in and gain more access and privilege.
The traits of white supremacist culture and capitalism are a lot of the traits that lead us to disordered eating. Some examples of these traits are, perfectionism, quantity over quality, only one right way, either/or thinking, individualism and more. If we grow up in the United States, we have exposure to this culture and have internalized these beliefs to differing degrees. Many of them have led us down the road to disordered eating.
What are other ways the culture has contributed?
Understanding your culture can really help you to understand how binge eating has become so central in your life. It can show that your behavior is an attempt at belonging and survival.
4) How is your family's history contributing to your binge eating behavior?
This can get juicy so proceed with caution!
We all have different relationships in our families and within our families. While you might like to think that you are completely independent of your family and not engaging in any of their traits, you may be more connected than you think.
A little research into your family history can help you make a lot of connections to your own behavior. This can be a concerted effort to collect information from family members, family trees, and documentary items such as diaries, logs, or photo albums. This also happens organically overtime through all of these methods, as well as just being around family, hearing people talk and having conversations. Storytelling can be both entertaining and extremely rich with information about your family.
A few questions that can start the process for yourself could be about your closest family members.
What is their relationship with food like?
What is their relationship with their body like?
How much do they practice, preach and believe in the traits of white supremacist culture, such as perfectionism and individualism?
How are they treated by their family members, especially parents and siblings?
What was their experience with food when they were growing up?
Are food and bodies a common topic of conversation?
What is their relationship with exercise and work?
What privilege and oppression have they faced in their lifetime?
The possibilities of inquiry into your family’s history are endless. These are just a few questions to get you started.
This work can be painful because it is very close to our hearts and maybe our trauma and deep wounds. This can make it difficult and it can also make it very liberating. Make sure to go at your own pace and set boundaries for yourself while doing this inquiry. Having support can be very helpful.
5) How is history contributing to your binge eating behavior?
We are not separate from history. I hope you are seeing this in 2020!
I am currently reading a book called, Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings. It directly traces the history of diet culture in the United States with the rise of the trans Atlantic slave trade. Starting in Europe, we see Black women represented in some art pieces of the Renaissance. These were enslaved African people who were in a role of indentured servitude. The art represented them as equal with white women in body shape, yet their facial features were considered subordinate according to artist’s writings and quotes. Their poses, dress, and headpieces were other ways artists distinguished them as other and subordinate to white women.
As the slave trade started to pick up steam, depictions of Black women in European art began to change. They began to appear smaller with less hair on their head as a way to express that they were completely other and different than white women, even in body shape. Painting Black Women this way was a tool used to shape the minds of white people to have a favorable view of slavery. This helped to line the pockets of the property owning elite.
This is just a small snippet of history directly related to diet culture. It shows how black and white female bodies were both objectified and used to further the cause of the rich.
There can be lots of historical moments to dive into and research that can give you a deeper understanding of why you and many others have been affected by binge eating.
To cultivate self acceptance and live a life full of meaning and purpose without an eating disorder getting in the way, I hope you take time to do some self, cultural, familial, and historical inquiry. It will help you to have a deeper understanding of yourself and how you got to this point in your life. It will help you to understand how binge eating came to play a central role in your life up to this point.
It will help you to see that there were so many factors out of your control that lead you to this moment. It isn't personal. It isn't because you're not good enough and can't be trusted. It's hundred's, and probably thousands of years of forces acting upon you.
With this understanding, you can accept yourself as you are right now in this moment. This will open the door to creating change, rewriting history and living a life filled with meaning. Inquire on!
Jessica Scalzo is a Peer Counselor ready to help you live a more meaningful life that is not postponed another day by an eating disorder. If you are feeling stuck, exhaused, shame, and isolation due to an eating disorder please reach out today!
All photographs were curated from unsplash and the photographers are listed in the order that their pictures show on the page starting at the top.
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