There is nothing wrong with binge eating. I repeat: there is nothing wrong with binge eating.
This is really important to remember, especially in a culture that tells us otherwise. I'm here to counter that cultural message because I distinctly remember how terrible I thought I was for engaging in binge eating and how easy it was to find cultural messages that reinforced my beliefs. Believing I was terrible felt painful and empty, and without any self-care taking skills binge eating would always be there to ease that pain and fill that void.
Here are steps I practiced to accept myself exactly as I was when I was binge eating.
1) Counter the cultural message that binging is wrong by remembering a few key points:
There is nothing wrong with binge eating
There is a reason I am binge eating
It doesn't make me bad to binge eat
Everyone binge eats from time to time
It's part of my recovery process
I'm right where I need to be on my journey
I will cover these counter cultural messages in more detail in another blog soon!
2) Ask a Few Questions:
Does berating and punishing myself help me to stop binge eating?
What is binge eating telling me?
How is the culture contributing to my binge eating behavior?
How is my family's history contributing to to my binge eating behavior?
How is history contributing to my binge eating behavior?
I will cover these questions in more detail in a another blog soon!
3) Develop Self Compassion
This helps me to hold the pain of my life with unconditional kindness, acceptance and patience, allowing it to be as it is and move on when it’s ready. This includes the pain of binge eating. I will rely on binge eating less and less when I can tend to my own pain with compassion. Self compassion is a practice of offering myself as much kindness and tenderness as I am capable of in each moment. If I am only able to offer a little bit of self compassion to myself, then I also cultivate compassion for this as well.
4) Allow For Emotional Pain
Even though it hurts, I can still allow and make space for the pain of life. I can practice allowing myself to feel the emotional pain that binging causes. It doesn't mean something is wrong with me because I am feeling pain. It means I am human. I can sit with this pain with self compassion and develop my capacity to make space for it and hold it gently.
5) Allow For Physical Pain
Binging can hurt physically sometimes. It used to make my stomach feel so stretched and heavy. Sometimes it made it difficult to breathe, and it raised my body temperature to where I would be sweating in shorts and a T-shirt while others was wearing pants and coats. It created painful gas and stomach bloating as well as constipation. It also swelled up my body, making everything feel very stiff.
Much like emotional pain, physical pain can be something that I allow and hold with compassion unless it's too traumatic and unbearable (It's not something to force). It can be something I get closer to instead of trying to avoid. I can pad it, hold it and soothe it with my compassion while it's in my life. I can be curious about it, and get to know it. I can do my best to make myself as comfortable as possible while I have this pain.
6) Take Care of Myself
I can do the best I can with what I have. Here are a few ways I do this. This list could be infinite.
Take time to rest and be with myself, even if its just 5 minutes
Journal
Go to peer counseling and therapy
Get fresh air and sun
Take deep breaths
Make a meal
Make some tea
Talk to or be with a friend or family member
Read
Listen to music
Move my body
Notice and focus on my breath
7) Practice Presence
Noticing my thoughts, and bringing myself back to the present moment can get me out of my head and into the wonder of what each moment has to offer. I like to focus on my breath to bring my attention back to my body and the wonder of life. Self acceptance is more accessible if I am connected to the moment instead of the story running in my head based on my past.
8) Read About Other People’s Experiences With Binge Eating
This helps me to feel less shame and stigma for my behavior. It helps to me to feel that my behavior is normal and other people struggle with it too. I feel less alone. With social media there are lots of people sharing their experiences.
9) Find Community
There are many in-person and online support groups for people who are experiencing binge eating. Participating in these communities can help me to feel connection and belonging without having to change anything about myself.
10) Find a Peer Counselor!
This one is my favorite! Talking with a Peer Counselor can help me to feel seen and validated as I am without having to change anything about myself because they have walked in my shoes and are not shocked or judgmental of my experiences. They provide a safe space for me to relax exactly as I am. If I want to make change, they support me, and if I don’t, they still support me. The unconditional acceptance of a Peer Counselor makes accepting myself much easier.
Peer Counseling also is a great option when I don't want to talk in front of a group or when I struggle with comparing myself to everyone in the group.
We all deserve acceptance no matter what is going on in our life. Since life is a journey, acceptance helps us to enjoy the ride. If we can accept ourselves now, while we are engaging in binge eating, then we are laying the groundwork to accept ourselves later in life when we no longer need binge eating, and difficulties arise. You are worthy of acceptance just because you are.
Note: As a Peer Counselor I use my lived experience to help others feel seen and understood. This reduces people's shame and stigma and helps them to make change. This blog does not substitute for individual counseling, therapy or clinical advise.
My name is Jessica Scalzo and I am a Peer Counselor with Compassionate Peer Counseling supporting people who are working to recovery from eating disorders. If you are feeling stuck, misunderstood, and isolated with an eating disorder please contact me.
Pictures were gathered from unsplash and captured by:
(Top of Page to Bottom)